These songs
are for when you close your eyes, feel the wind in your hair and long for a
quiet place away from the hubbub of the city to forget all the wounds in your
heart. I hope these recommendations help you cope a little better.
There is something really whimsical about her name; it makes me feel like a melancholy apple, stained with sorrows, called Fiona. So can we call it Fiona Apple Fever? It is a contagion that strikes in any season, unbidden and sharp.
Today, I find myself circling When the Pawn.... The fact that she penned that sprawling, ninety-word title on a bus tour still makes my jaw drop ever since I started writing something new.
If I am to be honest, I have never been in a true romance, but there is an indescribable ache when you wander the midnight streets alone. The city air is hollow, and the silence highlights how fragile I am, while memories play like a looped film against the inside of my skull. They scatter the fragile delusions I’ve built against this melancholy like the weight of having no one to hold.
And maybe, it’s a love ridden moment, when
"I've looked at you
With the focus I gave to my birthday candles
I've wished on the lidded blue flames under your brow
And, baby, I wished for you
Nobody sees when you are lyin' in your bed
And I wanna crawl in with you, but I cry instead
I want your warm but it will only make me colder when it's over"
To me, it’s about this person that it hurts when we’re slowly drifting away because of distance. In my mind, our connection reaches the moment when I realize she has changed a lot. There is something about seeing someone you used to love so much become a stranger you know nothing about, and it feels like a knife pressed deep into my heart as I walk past places where we once whispered, "You are the reason I want to live like a real human."
Then, I stumble on a paper bag to realize a dove of hope began her downward slope. Sometimes, she gave me just enough expectation to make me believe that we could go back into “us", but it turns out my own delusion has been sketching out scenes that never existed:
“Hunger hurts, but starving, it works
When it costs too much to love.”
I love how Fiona uses metaphors to illustrate how hope can be a dangerous thing for women like us to have.
Sometimes I wish to scream, "Be fast as you can!"
The rhythm of the music moves with such an intense pace that I'm getting used to thinking about how much I start to hate her—like why I can love and hate her at the same time—but they are thoughts trapped in my mind. I can’t force myself to say it out loud, yet I know my throat is sore and my cheeks are wet, slick as a river under the biting midnight haze.
“I let the beast in too soon
I don't know how to live without my hand on his throat
I fight him always and still.”
If Fiona is wrestling her inner beast to find a cure, I am wrestling with these words, trying to whisper, "Don't get green skin."
But I guess that's the way things are, since Fiona explains it by speaking to the overthinker in me through her monologues:
"Figuring that, statistically, there’s gotta be somebody out there or many people out there that has somebody in their life who appears outwardly to be very very good and very devoted to you, but then when they’ve got you alone and really quietly they like whisper the worst things in the world to you and everybody thinks they’re the nicest person in the world… This song is… my big step in getting rid of that person… The only way that I could really deal with that was to write this song about… how great things are because th is is exactly what I need."
I know it all the time as I give you guys these songs with a confession from the bottom of my heart. So, whenever you feel like your relationship is coming to an end, you feel lost and miss the euphoria in those midnight long roads, you can walk outside, turn off notifications, read this blog post, and listen to When the Pawn....
Hey guys! At first, I decided to start a blog to discuss music, but in the end, I realized I wanted to talk about more than just songs. On this Blogspot, I’d love to give you recommendations for movies I've watched, songs I listen to, or whatever else I feel like sharing.
The goal is that every time I recommend a song, I’ll share a story from my life that left me with unforgettable thoughts and strong emotions.
I’m also looking forward to starting a project where I create playlists based on your requests—introducing your favorite songs to others and sending special messages to your loved ones.
I will post every day for 365 days to capture every moment and archive my life as I work on letting go of negative thoughts.
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I always have a had feelings while wandering though midnights stress and I know I can go anywhere else just not home. These songs are for w...
